Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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