Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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