It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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