I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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