i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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