Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
