Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
