You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize