Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
