I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
