don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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