I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
