I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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