and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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