when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
