the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
