I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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