And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
