I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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