What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
