do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
