Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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