Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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