You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
