My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
