Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
