You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
