apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
