the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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