Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
