I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
