The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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