I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
