I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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