I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
