Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.

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  (785): Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face. http://tfl.nu/ktzo
  Replies (26) Good night (3796) Bad night (850)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I'M GETTING MARRIED!

  (512): View more from Texas

  YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!

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  (254): I'M GETTING MARRIED! (512): YOU'RE STILL MARRIED! http://tfl.nu/48vu
  Replies (38) Good night (4429) Bad night (2289)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?

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  (910): dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her? http://tfl.nu/5pe0
  Replies (39) Good night (7264) Bad night (1575)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.

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  (917): Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste. http://tfl.nu/mscz
  Replies (9) Good night (3460) Bad night (1667)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.

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  (307): The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though. http://tfl.nu/bysz
  Replies (8) Good night (927) Bad night (3168)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend

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  (406): You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend http://tfl.nu/ek7z
  Replies (2) Good night (2515) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.

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  (248): Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby. (248): There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction. http://tfl.nu/82qp
  Replies (5) Good night (2485) Bad night (829)
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  (925): View more from California

  We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car

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  (925): We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car http://tfl.nu/ofum
  Replies (9) Good night (1818) Bad night (575)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand

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  (301): I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand http://tfl.nu/1hp7
  Replies (1) Good night (1486) Bad night (401)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.

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  (417): All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door. http://tfl.nu/d7kd
  Replies (6) Good night (753) Bad night (424)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.

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  (636): It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked. http://tfl.nu/8md6
  Replies (15) Good night (1184) Bad night (485)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult

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  (504): lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult http://tfl.nu/w1mp
  Replies (8) Good night (839) Bad night (344)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.

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  (908): Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad. http://tfl.nu/akuu
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (759)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.

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  (304): Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint. http://tfl.nu/67cs
  Replies (2) Good night (644) Bad night (229)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.

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  (229): I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it. http://tfl.nu/6699
  Replies (0) Good night (379) Bad night (217)

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