Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Be still, my beating vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.