I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
