Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not