Texts From Last Night

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  (209): View more from California

  I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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  (209): I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans. http://tfl.nu/8x3v
  Replies (8) Good night (709) Bad night (1212)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.

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  (301): Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up. http://tfl.nu/txq5
  Replies (13) Good night (2798) Bad night (634)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  did i?

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  (732): you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?" (1-732): did i? http://tfl.nu/syum
  Replies (33) Good night (7704) Bad night (805)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We need to rekindle our bromance

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  (512): We need to rekindle our bromance http://tfl.nu/aprz
  Replies (48) Good night (8617) Bad night (1356)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?

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  (408): I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access? http://tfl.nu/pvq3
  Replies (27) Good night (5266) Bad night (1245)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.

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  (978): I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine. http://tfl.nu/o5fg
  Replies (15) Good night (2720) Bad night (1236)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.

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  (941): Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us. http://tfl.nu/wjn1
  Replies (9) Good night (4404) Bad night (995)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash

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  (857): They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash http://tfl.nu/jeu8
  Replies (10) Good night (2516) Bad night (1061)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.

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  (901): He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy. http://tfl.nu/2710
  Replies (6) Good night (1723) Bad night (633)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha

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  (206): "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha http://tfl.nu/1j7y
  Replies (10) Good night (2993) Bad night (472)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame

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  (979): I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame http://tfl.nu/e04c
  Replies (13) Good night (521) Bad night (1414)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.

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  (361): Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/s5oa
  Replies (16) Good night (356) Bad night (751)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.

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  (404): Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not. http://tfl.nu/3nps
  Replies (2) Good night (260) Bad night (599)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.

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  (908): Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you. http://tfl.nu/4vsb
  Replies (0) Good night (488) Bad night (200)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway

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  (401): I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway http://tfl.nu/g36h
  Replies (2) Good night (511) Bad night (124)

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