Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
