I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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