is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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