There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
