Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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