My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
