i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize