I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
