Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
