I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She just used a chaser for red wine.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
