Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
