i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
