So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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