If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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