i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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