Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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