wrigley field is MILF paradise
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I currently don't understand fingers.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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