you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
