Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
