Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
