I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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