i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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