U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
