she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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