garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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