Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wat bout pragnant strippers??
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
