theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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