Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
