I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
