.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
