imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
