we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
