It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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