you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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