What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
