I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
