Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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