at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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