I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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